Saturday, June 19, 2010


有好久没 update 了。知道应该写我生日派对的 entry. 可是发生了好多事...让我整个人在心灵上累垮了。我很快就把过期的 entry 放上,okay?


Just took a hot shower. A long, hot shower. To wash away the unpleasant reminders, smells, sweat, tears, memories, of the clothes I just wore home. The same clothes I wore the night before. And the night before. The clothes stained with sting. With what neglect, oblivion and insensitivity turned into betrayal and deception.
All it took was 2 weeks, or perhaps maybe just 1, I can't be sure, to change the whole dimension of a relationship.

If there's one thing I really cannot stand, it's women who throw themselves at attached men. Knowingly. 
If they're unknowing, then well, I've nothing to say. Women want and need to be loved, after all. I understand that. But please don't throw yourself at attached men. What if you didn't throw yourself at him, but let him know you like him? Or entertain his several calls a day "just to chat" and tell me point-blank in the face there's nothing between the both of you. Betrayal is not when you've slept together, to be considered betrayal. Betrayal is what goes on in the heart. Deception is when you refuse to admit betrayal...

Her words rang in my head. And I start to wonder if he's the man I thought he wasn't. 

妈妈可能说得不是没有道理,我不懂得处理感情,就应该把精神投入在事业。感情是算不到 的,这一点我完全明白,它可以在短短几个星期,甚至几天变质; 感情是可以把我毁掉的。就因为我放得重,又不懂得收,这是我最大的弱点。妈妈还说,只要哪一天有个男人可以比我更有本事疼你,我就放手。

你会是那个人吗?如果不是,我真的放得下吗?还是我应该学会把感情处理得好一点,若真的坏了,人家再也不疼 自己了,该放手时就学会懂得放手。这次如果放了手,就真的给自己2-3年的时间,不碰感情了。大家帮我见证,好吗?

It's over now. I fought tooth and nail to make things right. I hope things are put back into place. He's back home. I'm not sure for how long, or if it's for good, like I wished for. I just know I'm glad, and thankful, he's home. It has put a huge strain on the relationship, on me, especially. But I can't really blame him, can I? After all, when I was neglected before in my past relationship, I sought refuge in other friends, male friends. Maybe it's karma, but I hope I've returned it. I learnt. I got my lesson. It's time to move on, and make beauty again. I never realised I hurt your feelings time and time again. So you turned to seek a breath of fresh air. I don't blame you anymore. Because the fault is not entirely yours. As long as you're back and you want to make it work, that's all that matters.

大家说我瘦了。我怎么都没感觉?瘦了应该算是好事吧?镜头上也好看一些。刚刚量了体重,是瘦了3公斤。恭喜我吗? =)

可能是脱水吧。哭了整整两天,流出的眼泪和鼻涕可能就占了1公斤。再加上前几天都没胃口,不瘦才怪。可能是上天看我之前太开心了,怎么减肥都不成功,给个打击逼我瘦。 因为我是那种受打击就会没胃口的人。


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