Drained. Sucked Dry.

3p.m.


I am worn out. Tired. Drained. Whatever you call it. Almost no sleep in 72 hours; and while at work during a short break between shoots, logging into my blog on my mobile and realising I have some strange "passerbye" (fuck I hate ppl who can't spell) barge into my blog and lament about me and how I'm stealing someone's husband and cursing my life; then having some super major drama on my tagboard and dealing with a deranged confused woman who said she and this guy have nothing to do with each other anymore this minute (tag deleted as it mentions his name, and he didn't have to be dragged in), and the next says they are getting on fine; to making some big decisions and then crying till now. Tell me if you think that's not tiring. And I didn't sign up for this.

BB, I know you just told me she's trying to break us apart. But I have no idea how to deal with this. Not now. N not with a Scorpion lady. I remember from years of reading Astrology books that Scorpion women are super scheming and 很难搞. I just never thought I would cross paths with one. For my other Scorpion readers or friends, please don't take it personally okay? Just general reading, and I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone. Your Chinese zodiac and 八字plays a part too. Like how I'm a devoted Gemini (Don't laugh. My closest buds - Qt, Jing, Denzel, Azmi, amongst a few others, will know) as compared to a flirty one like most are.

Yes she may just be saying things to spite me or put me off you, and I know she's making things up. We spend so much time together I know she is. But just to appease her and let her believe that I have nothing to do with her marriage falling apart, I think I shall let go.
Remember you told me not to worry about a thing and not to think so much and that you will do the worrying and thinking for me? What do I know when I get haters spamming my tagboard? I know I did nothing wrong, but I have my readers to answer to.

Here is where people know the real me. Friends. Family. Fans. Acquaintances. Strangers. Not some random forum where anyone can post anything they choose about anyone. Here AI post what AI choose about who AI want. Because it's MY blog and MY words and MY thoughts and MY feelings. And now that there is fog and cloud, it's my duty to clear the air.

At this point in time I wish I'd asked you about that ring a month ago. But no B, I'm not blaming you. I never did. I've learnt in the past few years there's no point in blame. You can't undo things with blame. What's the point of blaming someone for mistakes done? The mistake is still done.

And I'm not mad at you for being so elusive about yourself. I call it the transition-phase syndrome. I do that during transition phases. Like when people asked me what I work as when I had decided to leave the airline. I felt wrong to say I'm a stewardess because while I'm still technically employed, I feel that I'm back to being an artiste again, but I can't say that either, cos I'm officially still not. So I smile and talk about something else.

I told her I'll leave the 2 of you alone. My mind is still spinning. My heart wrenches each time I hear an sms come in and I check and it's you telling me not to chase you away.





p/s: Prepare popcorn or some snacks and drinks while you read the next entry. Which should be out tmr. Forgot about a gathering at a friend's place so I'll just post up this half of what was supposed to be a super long entry and head out now then work on it later when I'm back. Am only like 10 percent through it. (8:16p.m.)