Susan Boyle-wed Over In Final

Yes,I am aware it is a lame heading.And no,I am not a fan of Susan Boyle.She recently lost the final of Britain's Got Talent to a bunch of actually talented young street dancers and came in second place.Also noteworthy was the second runner up,the saxophonist Julian Smith.In contrast to other people around the world,I do not like this woman who hails from the tiny town of Blackburn,Scotland.Not because of trivial things like her appearance or her origins.No.I just think that singing is not the greatest talent in the world.I have a major gripe with talent shows that crown singers instead of more deserving people like musicians,daredevil dancers and illusionists.These people have been practicing and honing their craft for ages.You can't be a great b-boy in a week.Singers on the other hand are born with it.And they are far less entertaining.You may have searched Susan Boyle online but I bet most people just left the sound on and switched tabs.The same can be said for any singer today.In the videos,it's the backup dancers or actors who keep you glued to the screen.And most singers leave the choreographing to the producers.You think they actually know and prepared the moves themselves?Singing belongs and should stay in singing competitions.I have no problem with American Idol and I will not criticise the show(in fact,I kinda like Adam Lambert's flamboyance). But if you think Susan Boyle will fade away after this competition you are far wrong.Apparently,Simon Cowell is very interested in producing her debut album and is planning a movie and book about her life.I'm gonna go hide in a cave now.Send for me when she's back in Blackburn singing in the church choir.

Ch...Ch..Chuck This Out!

When Guitar Hero was first released,DJs all over the world made fun of the actual guitar players for having their passion reduced to nothing more than an easy rhythm game.Now karma has struck.Activision,the publisher of the Guitar Hero franchise will release DJ Hero sometime this year.There will also be an exclusive controller for the game just like the fake guitars for Guitar Hero.Based on the screenshot above,gameplay is pretty much the same:mashing buttons according to the glowy things on the screen.The trailer doesn't help matters either,with a remixed version of 'Hollaback Girl' playing in the background.Though many may doubt its success,it will find a niche audience in the mainstream audience that gaming is exposed to now.Me?Wait for the port on the PS2lah.

PS:What the heck is a hollaback girl anyway?

One More Reason To Stay At Home

Those lucky bastards in Japan.Not only do they have vending machines offering items from market produce to bicycles,Wii owners are able to order food online from the Wii Channel,its online portal.Categories include pizza,sushi,bento boxes,Chinese food,Western food and others.Pizza Hut undoubtedly falls in the pizza category while strangely KFC is found under others.Instead of paying for the deliveries using the Wii points,owners pay the deliverymen upon arrival at their doorstep.The company in charge of deliveries even plan on offering coupons to cut the prices of meals.If Japan can send aid to the less fortunate countries of the world,can't they send aid to the less fortunate gamers of the world,especially Malaysia?

The NES Quotes You Should Know

Gamers do have a social life,despite what the mass media tells you.They constantly make,and maintain,new relationships with people all over the world while playing MMOs or on online multiplayer servers.While normal folks open their conversations with the usual boring hellos,gamers have a different weapon at their disposal:their expansive knowledge of pop culture.Fire a popular quote from any old cult movie or vid game and if the other person replies with another,then you have found a new buddy.Here are the eight most unforgettable quotes from the timeless NES,the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Pro Wrestling.This is what happens when Japanese companies hire crappy translators to localise their games in the American market.And their mistakes bear gems like this,where it is still used by many gamers today.
Super Mario Bros.Ahh,how could any self proclaimed gamer forget this?Many a Gameboy and NES joypad was thrown across the room when this little baby popped up on screen.I wonder what Bowser did to the Princess while we were searching for her ass...?

Friday the 13th.Back in the day,there weren't any cheat codes.So we had to play this hard game using only our quick reflexes and determination to see the ending,which is this.Thanks a fucking bunch!

Monster Party.Monster Party had lots of strange but hilarious boss conversations,but this takes the cake.

Bionic Commando. In the 1st game,there were these neutral zones between levels where you could stock up on stuff and talk to the peacekeepers,like this guy.I bet he's pissed he didn't have a cool arm like Rad Spencer's.

Final Fantasy.Again another example of Japanese games poorly translated for the American market.This was before Square Enix became the powerhouse they are today.

Legend of Zelda 2:Link's Adventure.The game is set in a sort of medieval English period,so Nintendo tried to come up with medieval English names for their characters.While the rest were alright,they failed epicly with this one.

Punch-Out!.Nintendo's most racist game,where you punch your way past racial stereotypes to become the World Champion.Before a fight,the player would be greeted by a screen like this one where your opponent was introduced.Many outrageous quotes were spewed by them but this one is just WRONG.

So there you have it.Eight classic NES quotes that will no doubt improve your self-esteem and PR skills!Go on,try them out.

Disclaimer:The author does not bear any responsibility if the advice given in this column was not fruitful and people start avoiding you.

Hollywood Making Another Vid Game Movie For Fans To Hate

Tristan Toh was sadden today to know that an increasing number of vid game creators would gladly answer the door when Hollywood comes a-knocking.The latest would be SNK Playmore,which sold the movie licence for their hit fighting game,King of Fighters.Below is some of the notable cast members and their vid game counterparts.Suitable?You be the judge.

Does Hollywood hate having an Asian play the lead role?For example,look at Dragonball Evolution.And now this.Sean Faris is playing Kyo Kusanagi,the hero of the vid game series.Already,I can hear hundreds of fans lighting their torches.



Will Yun Lee is playing Iori Yagami,the anti-hero of the series.Will is most famous for his roles in Elektra,Torque and the short-lived Bionic Woman.He is also noted for being voted one of People magazine's Sexiest Men.Hey,not all Americans hate Asians...

Would you look at that?TVB princess,Bernice Liu is playing Vice,a recurring character in the series.Her English is actually pretty darn good.Proof?Watch the KOF making-ofs on Youtube.She also claimed to having played all the KOF games,including '93,which does not exist.

In another bid to be a Hollywood superstar,Maggie Q is playing Mai Shiranui,the well endowed ninja and wet dream of many a pubescent boy in the 90s.Will she finally hit the jackpot after playing second rate characters on Die Hard and Balls of Fury(shudder)?Not likely.

Finally,a cast member that every fan would agree on.Ray Park is most famous for playing Darth Maul,the only good thing about Star Wars Ep 1 and for playing Snake Eyes in the upcoming GI Joe movie.He'll be playing Rugal Bernstein,the villain of the movie.

The story?Some lazily written crap about three fighters who get whisked off to different dimensions where they have to fight the native defenders in search of three mystical artifacts which....you know what?Fuck it.