Friday, April 8, 2011


I know you have a blog. I haven't followed it enough during the days you were so down, and I only just saw your last post...

I think about what a fool I have been, and how I always keep asking why you loved me. You never gave me an answer, but you did. I just never saw it... Because I was too busy sorting myself out. I hope it's really not too late...

You asked me why I loved you too. Of course I had answers. It's not just feeling. Feelings come and go, but I held on for the past 1.5 years, at times more briefly and loosely than others. I'm holding on tight now, though you've let go of your grip. I just want to be in tandem with you finally, when we are really, truly, at the same level, how we feel about each other. We've been missing each other, when one loves, the other doesn't, or doesn't as much; when that other one loves again, this one has moved on, or has given up... It's funny how life does these little tricks to make you realize how much some things matter.

I found this online, and if this isn't what Love is, I don't know what is...

I'm for real this time. And I know it is too much to ask for, but I pray that you would take a deep plunge again. I'm doing my best, and I'll be waiting...

Love you holding my hands.
Love how you looked at my eyes.
Love how you smile sheepishly back at me.
Love you when you say "I love you too".
Love how you pull me close and kiss my forehead.
Love hugging you and leaning into you when you are riding.
Love how focussed you are when you taught me how to ride.
Love how you occupied my thoughts every single minute then, and how you do so again now.
Love how patient you are with me no matter what.
Love how you remove my makeup for me.
Love how you would turn back from your game and grab my hand.
Love how every time you finish a game you would climb into bed and hug me before going back to your game again.
Love how accomodating you are to me.
Love how my hands always find yours.
Love putting my head on you.
Love how you would always call me during your breaks just to chat for a while.
Love the way we'll always share drinks because you know I cannot finish one by myself.
Love how you cook for me.
Love how you take the dishes for me even when I can reach.
Love how you promised we'll have a nice big house together, with Alton.
Love you when you send me "I miss you" messages at all times of the day.
Love you too when you are angry.
Love you too when you are sad.
Love you most when you are happy with me.
I love how you loved me...

So many reasons why I love you too.
So many reasons which I never told you too...

The hands of time did not reverse, but it moved on and witnessed Spring, except that I was late and still cold in the time I arrived in Spring, you were already at dreary tiring Summer...

If I may, I visualise a happy future, with lots of money we made together, the big nice house you said we would have, children, dogs, growing old and still holding hands, and many many more beautiful memories to be made...

Giving You The Patience You Deserve,

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