Have you ever loved...then got disappointed, time and again, and then decided to leave...And when the person you loved and left finally decided to turn around and take a look at you, you're far gone...and then he starts chasing...?
Have you ever?
And then thought about why the idiot hadn't realized you were gone earlier, or had turned back to look before you even decide to leave and wait for greener pastures...?
I have...
You guys remember a "Joel" I wrote about some time last year? That's actually a pseudonym I gave him to conceal his real identity...and you guys remember me writing the post titled "Love?" about my own relationship? If not, please read it, then come back here to continue this post.
就是他...动作慢了...
Not that I don't appreciate anything he has done for me this past month (after I decided to finally be out with how I really feel - nothing left). He has been sweet, caring, accomodating, patient, and trying very hard to win me back...but I can't help it if I feel nothing anymore. I can see that he is trying, and I feel bad that I can't feel it in me anymore...
Maybe I want to give others a chance. Maybe there's someone I've liked for so long but throughout the years we just keep missing each other...? Maybe I want a fresh breath of air now. Maybe I'm sick of always doing nothing together, except eat, the occasional movies, walk around after eat...hanging out at your place having to find things to do... I really miss being the girl who loves little trips to strange out-of-the-way places, Zoo excursions, visiting farms, doing things~ Or maybe (and most probably so) I just need to be alone, to focus on myself, to go out with friends, to have fun, to grow (not horizontally, of course)... I don't know...
But like I said, I appreciate everything he's been doing for me, and I'm not pushing him away. His most recent sweet move being the topic of today's post...my Christmas surprise...and our first Christmas spent together...
Prior to dinner that I was told would be specially prepared for me, I was at home, trying to do the makeup tutorial video that I promised you guys I would do up by Christmas. =)
I know it came slightly later la (Boxing Day?), but I did make the effort okay? Editing and uploading took a lot of time hor...
All the things that I promised you guys, I try as much as I can to fulfill them. If I didn't, chances are it's only because I got busy and had forgotten to...
Because I do treasure each and every one of you, my readers...
How do I look that night?
Okay? Dressed appropriately enough for a "candlelight dinner"?
Chio enough?
The very pretty crystal necklace, btw, is from Crystal Dollies. The girls had it SPECIALLY made for me. =)
Dress from Bonito in case you're curious.
I love how the necklace immediately glams up the look for a simple dress. ^.^
I received a call at 6:15pm, from an unknown number, clariifying my address after telling me he's a driver from London Cab...
!!!!!!!!!! I have never sat on a London Cab before!!! Well, okay, maybe twice in London, which is my favourite state overseas so far...but this is Singapore! And my god...I was a bit lost for words...*reminiscing about London*
Just like how I remembered it...2 seats facing me, and regular taxi back seats where I was seated. And the driver was separated by a window. This is for the safety of taxi drivers overseas, as they are prone to being mugged by thugs there...
I hadn't managed to get hair tongs so I didn't curl my hair for the occasion...for those of you who noticed it, it's very long now, yes! Thanks to Milly's for the hair extensions!!! More on that on another post. ;)
Cam...whore~~~
What...must take more pictures okay? Who knows when will be the next time I ever sit in a London Cab in Singapore again???
The floor is carpeted.
On the door, there's this sign. It lights up whenever the footbrake was applied, and when the vehicle was in motion...so cool!!!!
So actually when the window is closed shut the driver can't hear anything at the back! Including all the sweet-nothings couples tell each other...or private (illegal??) business dealings...
A button to press when you want to speak to the driver. And a personal light. Each passenger have their own lights leh. Macam aeroplane like dat...
In case you guys were wondering, the cab has already been paid for...
Upon arrival, I was told to just sit in the living room while "Joel" continues cooking...
And here's how dinner looks like...
The food tasted really good. The gravy on the chicken? It was entirely self-made, NOT the ready-made just buy off the shelf type...
I could imagine all the trouble and running around...
And please trust me when I say I appreciate all this effort...I really do. Even if a part of me feels unsure if all these were too late, I appreciate all the effort and the thought...
He also went to buy Chardonnay (Muscato, which was my favourite white wine, was out of stock, or so I heard...) to pair with the chicken.
I was too full for dessert, so we saved dessert for later...
Here's the sweets:
So after dinner's all done (minus the cake), I was led into the bedroom...
I was so overwhelmed I had forgotten to take pictures...the scent of vanilla greeted me...it came from the big vanilla-scented candle that was burning on the table...red rose petals were everywhere...on the floor, on the bed...hang on for the picture...
I was then presented with a card, and my Christmas present...what which I had already guessed...
(It so happened I saw the shape of the gift under his table some time back...and just a few days ago I caught sight of the packaging of the item I had wanted for a very long time at the Apple store...)
At this point I'm feeling very useless as a mother, because I, as Alton's mother, didn't get him anything for Christmas, no cake, no special treats, nothing, much less a proper Christmas gift...
Thank you...
This was the bed... I had turned on the lights to take the picture...
Very sweet, I know...
I can see very well he's trying...and trying hard. I guess it takes time for me to feel again...if I do.
Whatever it is, this has to be one of the best and most memorable Christmases in my life.
And you...if someone better comes along...don't wait for me...don't keep her waiting.
I have no right to ask you to anyway, because it is me who has finally decided to walk away...
I want to be with someone because I really want to be with him, and not be with someone because he's nice to me and asks me to be with him...you get what I mean? I want to really feel, again...and relive what I know as 'to love deeply'.
我不适合"一般"， 或漂浮着的爱...
我渴望的，是激情，是深刻，是会让我奋不顾身的爱...
就像我对他那样的爱...
Christmas, Candlelights, and a Happy Dog,
*~Silver~*
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