The Story - The Final Chapter

I wanna thank every one of you who have shown me concern and support. I am fine, really. =) And Samantha, thanks for reminding everyone that, however much we wish we could be, no one is perfect. I wish I could be bigger than Jolin, but I must 识趣 and understand that I am in Singapore now, and that status is, if not impossible, very hard to achieve. Maybe one day I might, who knows? I just want to do my work well and, if the wave to superstardom comes, hop on. If not, who am I to complain? Right? What matters is I will keep working on playing my part well. =D

Just like Joel. He definitely isn't perfect. He made a mistake, yes. Perhaps by being too nice. Have you ever been there? I know I have. Feelings are no longer existent, yet I kept pretending to the other party that nothing was wrong. We still held hands, went for movies, dined together...yada yada... Heck, I still said those three words, even though I no longer knew if I meant them...I wanted to try. To see if it was just a phase and everything would be alright again. I just didn't want the other party to be upset, so I just drifted along...no happy feelings, no lovey-dovey feelings, nothing... Me and the said guy broke up, of course, as pretending could only take me so far, until someone came along and really made me feel alive again.

I now know that it doesn't really work that way. And that we should never pretend. Especially pretending to still love when we no longer do.

Back to Joel. He made a mistake by pretending. After seeing those photos, I checked my mail again. The wife had replied, this time asking more intimate questions, saying she had "given him many chances", and hoping she could find closure. I knew what needing closure felt like, so I replied her email as honestly as I could.

She thanked me for my answer, and asked me to help ensure Joel doesn't get a bike in the near future, and even wished me luck for my riding theory test later on in the evening. You know, here, I actually find her quite an understanding young lady for her age. Then came another email a few minutes later.

She asked me to leave him. Huh? You just told me you wanted closure. Now you want me to leave him? And what followed was a string of verbal lashings saying I was "shameless" and "not matured enough" and that I should "back off" and if I wondered "what his family will think of me". And that I will end up "sitting in a corner" after he has slept with me. That I am a public figure and I "shouldn't be doing stuff like this".

Okay girl, you just pissed me off and boiled my blood. Tell me you didn't sleep with him when you got together with him when you were 15. Say it. "Not matured enough" then, well maybe, but were you "shameless"? And, if his family thinks anything bad about me, then I'm sure you'd have some part in it by adding salt, pepper, and other spices to their impression of me. BECAUSE, to be honest, I started loving your husband because I didn't know he was a husband to begin with, so you're not being fair to me to judge me based on the fact that I was dating A husband. AND ALSO! ALSO! I have never had problems with any of my past partners' families.

If there's anything close friends and fans know, it's that Silver Ang fights fiercely, especially for love. Fair enough, if Joel REALLY has been two-timing us while being happily married to you, I will kiss his arse goodbye. But I've been spending so much time with him throughout MANY nights, and before or after his work, that I really find it hard to believe that he was still with you. Yes, a marital status is a marital status, I grant that. But what is an empty marital status? Does the paper warrant you ever-after lovey-dovey emotional status? Isn't it just a stupid paper that the law uses in case something wrong happens to the relationship? Is it just black and white for you? What about the gray areas? In between black and white, the area is far greater than the 2 extreme margins.

I needed to speak to Joel. Badly. I smsed him the stuff that had been going on at home the past few hours, and set off to pick him up from after work. I showed him some of the email exchanges.

"Did I really come between you two?" I was angry, and I was upset.
"No, please don't think that way. It was before you.."
He leaned back into the passenger seat.
"Why doesn't she want to let me go..."

He held me tight. He looked, somehow, exasperated. "I'm sorry for getting you in a mess you don't deserve."

We drove to a quiet little coffeehouse in Hillview. He held my hand throughout the drive. And he didn't let go when we got there.

"Tell me what to do BB..." His expression looked blank. I wish I knew. I remembered what my ex-boyfriend did. He shouted at me "I've done everything! Tell me what else I must do to make you leave me!!" That felt like a tight slap on my face. I was devastated, and left immediately. Physically, that is. The feelings only died many months later...

I've got riding theory test later, and I told him to take the car, go meet her and clear things up, then pick me up later after my test.

I passed my test (of course right~ *wink*). And he came to pick me up, as agreed upon earlier. He told me it's been settled. They had a big fight, apparently. She went to his place to clear out her stuff. I didn't know what that meant. Whether it was that they have made it clear that they've broken up, going for annulment, or what. And I still have this nagging feeling that I might just have been the cause of a breaking-up of a marriage.

"B, tell me honestly, am I the cause?"
"No BB, I would still have gone for the annulment even if you didn't appear. My parents have asked me to try, but they must understand that if I don't do it now, there will be more problems next time..." Like if there is a baby involved?
"Exactly."

Even from a bystander point of view, he did have a point. I'm not siding anyone here, but if I'm with someone who has a changed view of a once-good relationship, I wouldn't want him to pretend to love me. Trust me, a woman can feel it if it's pretended. Then end up dragging it and me having a baby (god forbid) and then years after REALLY finds that it just isn't working THEN get a divorce. I'd rather he come clean with me and tell me it's just not working anymore, and let me go. At least I get a chance to meet someone who will make his calling to love me and take care of me for life. And oh yes, a marriage without love? The child can feel it too. I wish everyone in my family's all lovey-dovey, it's really nice when you can feel the love and the happiness in the family you know? Unfortunately my family's not like that. It once was, until a series of events changed things.

She has been sending him smses, and he hadn't really been replying her (except when drama started erupting on my blog, which made her very upset seeing how protective he was of me...but that's another matter). This is perhaps the best way to get someone to let go. 心软会让一个女人误以为有希望，最后造成更多的伤痛。这个，我很懂，因为我也曾经被误导过。


请大家切记：　如果你真的觉得一段感情已经终止了，完全没有挽回的余地，那请你在分手的时候，做得恨一点。这应该会是你为对方做的最后一件为他好的事。是，会很伤，会很痛，但雨后的彩虹才是最漂亮的。　


I did talk to him properly, asking questions from as bystander a position as possible. Because like most of you, I couldn't understand how you can just let go of 6 years of a love you shared with someone.

He had tried. In those 6 years they have been together, they have broken up on many occasions, dated other people, and reconciled, once of his own accord, once as per requested by his mother, a few times because she couldn't let go. He did try, if not he wouldn't have agreed when she asked for them to get married. (Yes, she asked. Not him.) Or maybe he thought he could try again. He let go a very important piece of information which answered my question.


"There are some things which can never even happen once. Not even once. She was the one who cheated on me during my toughest days in the army. Very sad one you know, I had nobody to talk to...I couldn't do anything..."

And that was 4 years ago, at least...which meant that after that incident, he couldn't really fully let go of that fact. Frankly speaking, who can? It will always be a scar, wouldn't it? Now, I'm sure many of you would think that he's doing it as revenge. Initially I thought so too, but scraped the idea after that. You wouldn't wait 4 years to do revenge. And from what I know of him, he's not that sort to take revenge. Maybe he was, I wouldn't know, but he's certainly not that kind of man now.

Anyway, what happened for the next few weeks were (more) people coming into my tagboard to leave hate messages. Which led to a whole load of nasty impulsive exchanges and drama, which led to me starting on this story so I could show the girl what exactly happened with me and Joel. Whether or not I appeared after they already had problems, or whether I was the cause of it all; whether I knew, or whether I came in to deliberately "snatch her husband" (ouch that sounded damn mean); whether the whole incident was my fault, her fault, his fault, or was it just meant to happen. I always believe things happen for a reason. You most probably won't see it now, but looking back at the past is when you realize why certain events happen, is it not?

They have since gone to lawyer's to apply for annulment, and are currently awaiting to attend court so it can be processed. (Apparently annulment is not an automatic procedure, they will look at each case individually, then the lawyer would have to present the case to the judge, who will interview them in court.) Lawyer's fees and stamp fees do not come cheap. They took up most of his savings, and he has paid his price for his wrong decisions. A bike instructor isn't like cabin crew - they don't earn money easily. Most days they have to stand under the hot sun or be in the rain to teach. And all for less than $2k. Maybe slightly more, if you've been there long enough.

I cannot guarantee that he will not make the same mistake again. Who knows? Maybe I will be the one making a mistake? (choi!) Haven't we all made mistakes in relationships at some part of our lives? Is that to say you will keep doing it? No, right? (I hope!) Joel decided that wasn't the life he wanted, and he let her go when she's at her prime (21!). I might be wrong, but it's probably the best thing he has done for her.



Joel has since had to face everyone who blamed him for what has happened, and inevitably, I get conscious of how his friends or relatives might look at me, even though I was an unknowing party. After all, they've been seeing the same face for 6 years, then suddenly, this strange girl from TV pops out from nowhere.

As for me, no one, not even Joel or myself, can guarantee a happily-ever-after. Everyone wants that, of course, but wanting it and making it happen is a totally different story. Many times after I learnt of his marital status, I tried giving up on this altogether. After all, I'm not really that fat and ugly you know~ 还是有人追的okay~~~~ Plus I have my career to climb. Why get myself into something so messy which I'm not even sure is worthy of all this mayhem? In all the times I tried to let go, he pulled me back. I felt his anxiety - he wasn't bochup like some guys would be if you wanna let go, he was genuinely upset and gan cheong, and I felt his sincerity in wanting to make this work.

Thus, I decided to give us a chance.

After all, apart from this huge saga, it's been awhile since someone has had the ability to make me this happy, to laugh the way I do, to share the kind of chemistry we do such that we say the same things at the same time so often, and to feel again....

^.^

I mean, it's not like I'm marrying him or rushing into anything. We're just dating and going out now, and taking things slow, see where it leads us. I've my artiste career to work on, and like I promised myself in my very first post, my dream = Hollywood. For now, maybe Jolin, or bigger! ;) I know I know!!! They're HUGE dreams. And you know what? Aim high, so even if you don't get there, you get close. (Some wise mentor told me that.) Hard work WILL get you results, you just have to be patient.

Relationships? They just happen the way they want to. Hard work doesn't necessarily get you results here. Just enjoy the ride, and make sure you don't do things which "can never even happen once", so you don't unnecessarily spoil the relationship. Every relationship is a learning and growing up process, so even if it doesn't work out, I'm sure we all emerge stronger. =D


Girl, my story ends here. I hope I have cleared the air between us, and I apologize for whatever unkind words I have used against you or your friends.We all make mistakes (especially when we act on impulse!!!), and the one thing we should never do is to keep lamenting and harping on them. What matters is that we learn from our mistakes, move on, and try as best as we can never to commit them again. =) Occasionally, if you want to, leave a tag, let me know how you're doing, alright?


Signing off (with peace),
*~Silver~*

Shoot A Commercial For Malaysia Airlines!

This might be old news,but it's better late than never,eh?Plus I am getting a bit tired of just posting gaming news here,and so are you readers too.

Malaysia Airlines has organised a competition for all you budding filmmakers out there,and it cannot be more simple enough.All you guys have to do is shoot a video not more than 3 minutes long around the theme 'Malaysian Hospitality'.For those who are blur about our country's going-ons,Malaysian Hospitality is MAS's tagline,based on their international flight code,MH.

The winners will not only receive return trip tickets to ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD but also get your commercial shown on the airlines' in-flight entertainment system.To put it in another way,thousands of people flying Malaysia Airlines will be witness to your work.Pretty daunting,eh?Who knows,a famous Hollywood bigshot might give the public tv in front of his seat a glance and be interested in what he sees.

But winning isn't everything(O RLY?),this is the perfect opportunity to have your work judged by the cream of the crop of the local movie scene.Below are the judges who will be reviewing hundreds of entries and pick the winners.You might know some of them,or have seen their flicks.The descriptions are taken off the official site.I have paraphrased some of the sentences but the source is gratefully acknowledged.

Indira Nair,Senior General Manager, Communications

Indira's only been appointed for 4 years in her current position for MAS,but her real accomplishments come way before that.As the Chief Talent Officer,Asia Pacific at Ogilvy and Mather,a renowned advertising company,she has "helped the network attract, grow and retain the right people in the right roles. Her role included identifying and recruiting senior talent, developing and leading strategic training programs, internal communications and knowledge management.

Indira has worked with a number of networks, including Edelman Worldwide, Burson-Marstellar and MDK Consultants. She also worked with the Berjaya Group, where she helped set up Inter-Pacific Communications, the Group’s in-house marketing communications agency."

Tan Chui Mui

Perhaps most famous for her first feature film Love Conquers All,you might also know her as the director behind A Tree In Tanjung Malim and Everyday Everyday,all winning a slew of awards at international film festivals.

Tan Chui Mui is also very versatile in the way that she can play the roles of producer,scriptwriter and occasionally actress as well.Together with James Lee(Beautiful Washing Machine) and Liew Seng Tat(Flower In The Pocket),she set up Da Huang Pictures in 2004.

She is currently working on her next film while still being in the judges chair for this competition.Talk about dedication to her work.

Liew Seng Tat

Flower In The Pocket,though released a couple of years ago,still manages to rake in awards,most recently the Jury prize (Lotus du Jury) in 10th Deauville Asian Film Festival, France. Like studio mate Tan Chui Mui,he also produced a number of shorts before his first feature film.The shorts Bread With Strawberry Jam was a fave at the Malaysian Video Awards,and he has never failed to score the Audience Award each time he takes part.

Bahir Yeusuff

Bahir broke into the public limelight with the release of the "critically acclaimed" film S'kali and has never looked back.He took part in the 15Malaysia Project organised by Pete Teo last year,being at the helm of the short movie Meter,notable for starring UMNO Youth leader and ardent Twitterer,Khairy Jamaluddin.

Besides these guys,you also got Y.Bhg. Datuk Dr. Victor Wee Eng Lye,Chairman of Tourism Malaysia and George Aveling,CEO of TMI Malaysia to please.

if you think you got what it takes to be Malaysia's latest up and coming filmmaker,hit the link to sign up.Hurry though,as the closing date for submission of movie is the end of March!

Me and my mates are entering too,so hopefully we'll meet each other if we end up on the winners' list.Of course,you'll place lower than us ;-)

New Super SF4 Character Completes The Roster

Finally,the last addition to the Super Street Fighter 4 game has been revealed.And he's none other than Hakan,the long rumoured Arab grappler.Fans may recognise his voice from the not-so-well-hidden voice clip found floating on the Internet.What they aren't prepared for is his appearance.

To sum it up,he looks like what would happened had the Red Hulk mated with Raikage from the Naruto series.He's got the same snarl,and facial hair to boot.

As you can see from the character trailer below,he loves his children and enjoys splashing oil on himself.So,don't expect to receive a very deep story when you're playing him in Single Player Mode.Like Dan Hibiki and Rufus before him,expect some laughs and silliness.And cringe-worthy accents.

The Story - Part 5

You know, random topics are so much easier to write. Stuff which suddenly inspires and sparks off my writing frenzy.

I was tempted to stop at Part 4, cos my story thus far has basically served its purpose. And because really, from there on, it gets a little more than a wee bit messy. AND of course, because some of my readers are gonna slaughter me if I just stop there, since they've expressed severe dissatisfaction that my part 5 took so freaking long. Here comes the drama...

For those lost, here's a little help

The Story - Part 1
The Story - Part 2
The Story - Part 3
The Story - Part 4 

This is a true story, so don't come and ask me if I made it up.


After that very first kiss, we got closer than ever. You know how it is with first kisses. It sorts of breaks all barriers. And then gone are the excitement and flushes you get before that first kiss, and the comfort sets in. You hug, peck, cuddle, hold hands, like you were meant to do so. =D We'd meet every day, even if it was for a while, or even when any of us was busy and it got very late. Because we just started, I thought it inappropriate to bring him home. Furthermore, my mum was tricky when it came to guys I date. So we spent a lot of time outside, at Upper Seletar, Lower Seletar, Sembawang Park, and in the car. Actually, we spent A LOT of time in the car. Either his dad's or my mum's. Talking. Cuddling. Talking. Sleeping. Yup, sleeping. Cos we're not really going to each other's places, and we can't really separate every night, we often ended up snoozing in the car together, cuddled up in the passenger seat in front (not your usual back-seat, as many of you would have thought. We're more kway sio than that. Haha~),

Usually we would meet at the MRT station after his work, which MRT station dependent on whose car we'd be taking that particular night. That's if I was feeling really nice that day. If I was really tired or feeling off, I'd just wait at home. He'd go home first then come pick me up for our little dates. He was really sweet. Once I finished work at Bt Merah, and he took the train down from CCK to Tiong Bahru to meet me despite him having to head home after work to shower first. If it was me I'd have kicked up a big fuss and asked to meet somewhere nearer home. UNLESS I have my own ride. Then that would have been a different story.

I know I know, that is nothing. And I know of partners who travel from Bt Panjang to Pasir Ris to meet their beloveds. But I do appreciate his accomodating me, which doesn't make me feel so stupid. Why I say so is because I've had my fair share of accomodating guys almost ALL the time, and often ended up feeling under-appreciated and  grouchy, which sets the PERFECT tone for a quarrel or disagreement. You can see where those relationships went. Might as well, or I wouldn't have grown and decided to love myself more. AND I wouldn't have met Joel. =D

Did I mention when he met me at Tiong Bahru, he showed me a message I sent him cos he wasn't sure what I was talking about, and guess what???? My number showed up as "Dear Dear" leh!!!!!!!!!! (maybe his actual intention was to show me that and not because he wanted to clarify any sms hor~)What what what??? We just started going out, and his number on my phone still showed as his full name ma. He already named me "Dear Dear"!!! Yippee~~~ *skips hops*

Another time I finished work late and he had decided earlier on to make his way to Admiralty first so we could meet earlier for an early Xmas dinner (I was going to Hong Kong the following day and wouldn't be in Singapore for Xmas). In the end I was more than an hour late and he'd had to wait for me. By the time we met it was almost 9ish and most eateries around my area were closing. And guess what, he didn't complain. He didn't show me any sign of discontentment or pek-chek-ness. He just hugged me and smiled and told me he was glad to see me.

That's one thing I love about him. His good temperament. He's hardly angry, or upset about anything. Nothing seems to make him lose his temper. Yes you might say we just started and no one loses their temper at their partners within the first 6 months of the relationship, aka the 'honeymoon period', right? WRONG! I've dated guys who show their very angry or pek chek side within the first 2 months of the relationship. And to be honest, it makes me scared. Like I won't know what to do. Should I try to calm him down? Sweet-talk him and end up having him eng-siu me with a half-hearted smile? Leave him be? Or get annoyed? So it's very nice when you get someone with a good temper. I'm not saying my temper's great. I can get really upset if the certain things that matter a lot to me go awry. And when I'm upset, I mean I'm UPSET. Angry. Dulan. And it'll take quite a bit to make me okay again. Unless you're Alton, which makes it a different matter. For those clueless about Alton, he's my son.

Joel has been getting good at it so far - making me happy again when I'm upset. Sure, he gets quiet and lost and sad and doesn't really know what to do sometimes (cos I'm really quite scary when I'm pissed), but so far, he has managed. You know, I'm a girl, and here's a secret guys - when your girl's angry, or upset, or just plain pissed, she wants you to sayang her. Never mind that you'd try and she'd push you away. Try again, and again, and again. Persist. Don't let her pull away or push you away. Here, I'm going to say this - Be a man. She loves you, and yes, she's not happy, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you. Just that for us girls, when we're angry, it's hard for us to feel affectionate. Give us some time. Hug us tight. Hold our hands even when we don't want to. Kiss us. If we love you, we WILL return that hug and that kiss. Just be patient with us. That's what love is about, yes? It's not only about the good times. =)

We caught our first movie together - Avatar, in 3D. That makes it my favourite movie thus far. I loved the show btw. BREATHTAKING graphics. Good storyline. Except the blue characters freak me out, though you'll get used to it after a while.

We have been inseparable before my Hong Kong trip, and the Hong Kong trip was trying. I kept trying to find places where I could buy a local sim card which would allow me to make cheap IDD calls to Singapore. And he would call me on Skype.We would chat during his lunch or dinner break. And after his work. We talked a lot, and even though we chatted a lot on the phone, the growing lack of physical presence made me miss him like mad. I brought along my sister's laptop so we could chat on msn/skype and email. No webcam though, cos my laptop was still not repaired then (it got repaired later, but the flap started segregating...-.-).

Which reminds me, as I was halfway through my Hong Kong Holiday posts, much drama erupted and halted the holiday postings.

I returned from Hong Kong on New Year's Eve. He had wanted to pick me up at the airport, but due to work commitments he couldn't make it. Just as well. As much as I had hoped he could come, I thought it might have been better this way, so in case my family members came, I don't have to explain anything or go through an awkward introduction that this guy's my 'friend' which wouldn't be convincing cos I've been flying around for years, and unless you're my significant other, or unless someone's interested in me, not many 'friends' have picked me up at the airport before. You think friends nowadays very free meh?

Then, one morning (02Jan'10), cos we didn't want to head our separate ways home, (plus in the mornings no one's home) so I brought him to my place to chill (in any way it's definitely more comfortable than nua-ing in the car -.-")

So we were lazing, and then I decided to check my mail. And he was just sitting beside me watching me do my stuff.

And I saw this email header:


At that moment, apart from a sudden grip at my chest, my head was suddenly spinning. I was scared, and confused, and dying with curiosity. I gathered myself properly, and opened the email.

He's married? He's FUCKING married? So the ring meant something. It was his wedding band for fuck's sake! What's going on? If he was really married how come he had so much time to spend with me? And we had been talking on the phone till late almost EVERY night. If he has a wife doesn't the wife stay with him? Unless she is an airline crew which meant she would be away for days at a time, especially if she's with an international airline. THEN he would have plenty of time for me. Even so, we've been seeing each other daily.

I turned and looked him in the eye.

"Bb, what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on."

"Then who is she?"

"My ex-girlfriend."

Ah. This I've heard before. This SQ pilot who was cheating on the wife (and my gf) told my girlfriend that he had no girlfriend. And she was smart enough to ask "No girlfriend but got wife la." to which he admitted.

So, still trembling inside, I asked "Ex-girlfriend doesn't mean she's your current wife, right?"

"No." And he pulled me close. He was smiling. His face looks calm, but I could sense that he's tensing up behind the smile.

"BB, who is she, and why does she say she's your wife?"

"Anyone can say whatever they want to say. This is someone who doesn't want to let me go...Nothing's going on.."

Ah....a psychotic girlfriend who could not accept the fact that her relationship's over~~~

Really?

Suddenly I didn't know who to believe. This guy who, apart from spending a lot of time with me and being really sweet and all, has never told me anything about his background, family, life, history, or this girl who suddenly showed up in my gmail inbox who actually seemed nice is probably shaking as she typed the email to me, fearing for the worst.

I started crying. I couldn't help it. After a bad break up last year, yes, I had my fair share of admirers and went on dates, but in the end I had spent almost every night for almost a whole year crying to sleep cos I couldn't let go. Then after finally deciding to let go, I had met Joel, and fallen in love with him, and started to feel like I can be happy again, it turns out that everything might just become bubbles which would soon burst?

He closed in on me, and hugged me tight. "My life is in a mess now, but please don't worry, okay? Everything will be settled by next week, I promise. Don't worry about anything. Leave all the worrying for me to do, okay BB?"

"Don't reply her. Don't do anything. Leave everything to me."

I could no longer speak. A million things were running in my mind. I was scared, skeptical, confused, and worst of all I was lost. I didn't know what to do then. I didn't know how to reply her. I didn't know if I should reply her. How did she get my email? She read my smses to him? How? He's been meeting her too so she has access to his phone? Skype - she has his password so she could hack in? Or she just lives with him so she can just open it up on his computer and see? They must have been really close for her to know his password. Who was she, really? Was she the one I saw in the picture I found of him online then with a girl taken in 2007? Or was she just a psychotic ex-girlfriend? I've been receiving unkind, rude tags on my tagboard saying I was "cheap" and that "I love riding bikes and stealing other people's husbands and karma will fall on me." Were they her friends? And if so, if she was really married, how many people have she talked to about this? It concerned my reputation as well. I could not afford to be in a relationship like this which would kill me in the entertainment industry. After all that I have given up to be back to the entertainment circle, it was just not worth it. I don't want to be The Other Woman, a term I hate so much myself.

Was he really married? Did I really get myself involved with a married man? But he was so young! He had only just turned 25 a few months back! If he was married how come no one at the driving centre told me about it? They knew we went out more than once. Some of them even saw us together outside the driving centre once! No one knew he was married? How could no one know? Unless he didn't really love his girlfriend and got ROM-ed just to make her happy because he was just a drifter in the relationship (someone who just drifts along), and he has never told anyone about her existence. I wanted to run to the Registry of Marriages to find out the truth for myself. At the same time, I wanted to just listen to him and let him take care of everything and not get involved in this potentially huge mess.

I went out with him the next few days with a cautious mind and a reserved heart. Yes, we were still happy, and he made me laugh, a lot. But that matter was there. It was nagging and gnawing annoyingly at me.  I still loved him, but repeated rude tags on my blog served as a troubling reminder, and that prevented me from further giving my all then.

I am a woman too, and I have had experience in being desperate in keeping my ex-boyfriend. I know how crazy a woman can get when she has loved too deep and given too much, only to be told the relationship's not working out. Truth it, it really wasn't working out, but I was too desperate to be rational about things then. I only wanted to keep my man, and trust me, I have been foolish before. (Try kneeling down and begging him not to go. Yes, I was THAT stupid)

I wasn't comfortable with leaving that email not replied. Sometimes, all we need is an answer, so we're not left hanging. Women make great scriptwrights - you leave her hanging, you can come up with 20 different twists and possible storylines. I had to go and meet him after his work, but I had a few hours, so I decided to do it - reply her.

Of course, the above emails were just excerpts and not the full email. (I've no idea how to print screen with the whole mail cos my blog settings are too narrow to fit the whole thing.)

I tried, as best as I could, to fathom a proper email to her. To be as objective as possible.
After replying her, I decided to open up the Registry of Marriages website. I found the page where you can check the marital status of a person. It would take a few weeks (or a few days, I couldn't remember), and you need to pay $30. WTH. KNN want to check this kind of things government also want us to pay. PUI!

If not for that, I would've just gone ahead with it. I was still lost. I still didn't know if he was really married. I didn't know if he was married have they "broken up"? Have they separated? Are they divorced already? I didn't know shit. And I couldn't take it any longer.

I went to Facebook to check out her account. To see if I can find pictures.

It was a painful process. Looking through all their sweet last-time pictures. At the zoo/birdpark, at home doing face masks together on the bed... They've shared a long time together...6 years is a long time, especially for a 21-year-old...Some pictures were even uploaded on 19Dec'09. I didn't know if they were taken close to that date, but seeing those pictures already made my heart clench and shrivel up. Had Joel really been lying to me? Or was he 敷衍-ing her in the last stages of their relationship?　

And then I found it.

The album. The R.O.M album. Dated October 2009. They have only been recently married. Or registered, and pronounced man and wife, in the eyes of the law...

I couldn't move. I didn't know whether what I felt was hurt, anger, or whether I was pissed off. I thought it was painful. I might have imagined it, but I felt my heart fibrillating. I sensed tears, or rather, that ball of air and liquid coming out but got stuck in your chest. I felt my mind going blank. And then I broke down and cried...

The Story - Part 5

You know, random topics are so much easier to write. Stuff which suddenly inspires and sparks off my writing frenzy.

I was tempted to stop at Part 4, cos my story thus far has basically served its purpose. And because really, from there on, it gets a little more than a wee bit messy. AND of course, because some of my readers are gonna slaughter me if I just stop there, since they've expressed severe dissatisfaction that my part 5 took so freaking long. Here comes the drama...

For those lost, here's a little help

The Story - Part 1
The Story - Part 2
The Story - Part 3
The Story - Part 4 

This is a true story, so don't come and ask me if I made it up.


After that very first kiss, we got closer than ever. You know how it is with first kisses. It sorts of breaks all barriers. And then gone are the excitement and flushes you get before that first kiss, and the comfort sets in. You hug, peck, cuddle, hold hands, like you were meant to do so. =D We'd meet every day, even if it was for a while, or even when any of us was busy and it got very late. Because we just started, I thought it inappropriate to bring him home. Furthermore, my mum was tricky when it came to guys I date. So we spent a lot of time outside, at Upper Seletar, Lower Seletar, Sembawang Park, and in the car. Actually, we spent A LOT of time in the car. Either his dad's or my mum's. Talking. Cuddling. Talking. Sleeping. Yup, sleeping. Cos we're not really going to each other's places, and we can't really separate every night, we often ended up snoozing in the car together, cuddled up in the passenger seat in front (not your usual back-seat, as many of you would have thought. We're more kway sio than that. Haha~),

Usually we would meet at the MRT station after his work, which MRT station dependent on whose car we'd be taking that particular night. That's if I was feeling really nice that day. If I was really tired or feeling off, I'd just wait at home. He'd go home first then come pick me up for our little dates. He was really sweet. Once I finished work at Bt Merah, and he took the train down from CCK to Tiong Bahru to meet me despite him having to head home after work to shower first. If it was me I'd have kicked up a big fuss and asked to meet somewhere nearer home. UNLESS I have my own ride. Then that would have been a different story.

I know I know, that is nothing. And I know of partners who travel from Bt Panjang to Pasir Ris to meet their beloveds. But I do appreciate his accomodating me, which doesn't make me feel so stupid. Why I say so is because I've had my fair share of accomodating guys almost ALL the time, and often ended up feeling under-appreciated and  grouchy, which sets the PERFECT tone for a quarrel or disagreement. You can see where those relationships went. Might as well, or I wouldn't have grown and decided to love myself more. AND I wouldn't have met Joel. =D

Did I mention when he met me at Tiong Bahru, he showed me a message I sent him cos he wasn't sure what I was talking about, and guess what???? My number showed up as "Dear Dear" leh!!!!!!!!!! (maybe his actual intention was to show me that and not because he wanted to clarify any sms hor~)What what what??? We just started going out, and his number on my phone still showed as his full name ma. He already named me "Dear Dear"!!! Yippee~~~ *skips hops*

Another time I finished work late and he had decided earlier on to make his way to Admiralty first so we could meet earlier for an early Xmas dinner (I was going to Hong Kong the following day and wouldn't be in Singapore for Xmas). In the end I was more than an hour late and he'd had to wait for me. By the time we met it was almost 9ish and most eateries around my area were closing. And guess what, he didn't complain. He didn't show me any sign of discontentment or pek-chek-ness. He just hugged me and smiled and told me he was glad to see me.

That's one thing I love about him. His good temperament. He's hardly angry, or upset about anything. Nothing seems to make him lose his temper. Yes you might say we just started and no one loses their temper at their partners within the first 6 months of the relationship, aka the 'honeymoon period', right? WRONG! I've dated guys who show their very angry or pek chek side within the first 2 months of the relationship. And to be honest, it makes me scared. Like I won't know what to do. Should I try to calm him down? Sweet-talk him and end up having him eng-siu me with a half-hearted smile? Leave him be? Or get annoyed? So it's very nice when you get someone with a good temper. I'm not saying my temper's great. I can get really upset if the certain things that matter a lot to me go awry. And when I'm upset, I mean I'm UPSET. Angry. Dulan. And it'll take quite a bit to make me okay again. Unless you're Alton, which makes it a different matter. For those clueless about Alton, he's my son.

Joel has been getting good at it so far - making me happy again when I'm upset. Sure, he gets quiet and lost and sad and doesn't really know what to do sometimes (cos I'm really quite scary when I'm pissed), but so far, he has managed. You know, I'm a girl, and here's a secret guys - when your girl's angry, or upset, or just plain pissed, she wants you to sayang her. Never mind that you'd try and she'd push you away. Try again, and again, and again. Persist. Don't let her pull away or push you away. Here, I'm going to say this - Be a man. She loves you, and yes, she's not happy, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you. Just that for us girls, when we're angry, it's hard for us to feel affectionate. Give us some time. Hug us tight. Hold our hands even when we don't want to. Kiss us. If we love you, we WILL return that hug and that kiss. Just be patient with us. That's what love is about, yes? It's not only about the good times. =)

We caught our first movie together - Avatar, in 3D. That makes it my favourite movie thus far. I loved the show btw. BREATHTAKING graphics. Good storyline. Except the blue characters freak me out, though you'll get used to it after a while.

We have been inseparable before my Hong Kong trip, and the Hong Kong trip was trying. I kept trying to find places where I could buy a local sim card which would allow me to make cheap IDD calls to Singapore. And he would call me on Skype.We would chat during his lunch or dinner break. And after his work. We talked a lot, and even though we chatted a lot on the phone, the growing lack of physical presence made me miss him like mad. I brought along my sister's laptop so we could chat on msn/skype and email. No webcam though, cos my laptop was still not repaired then (it got repaired later, but the flap started segregating...-.-).

Which reminds me, as I was halfway through my Hong Kong Holiday posts, much drama erupted and halted the holiday postings.

I returned from Hong Kong on New Year's Eve. He had wanted to pick me up at the airport, but due to work commitments he couldn't make it. Just as well. As much as I had hoped he could come, I thought it might have been better this way, so in case my family members came, I don't have to explain anything or go through an awkward introduction that this guy's my 'friend' which wouldn't be convincing cos I've been flying around for years, and unless you're my significant other, or unless someone's interested in me, not many 'friends' have picked me up at the airport before. You think friends nowadays very free meh?

Then, one morning (02Jan'10), cos we didn't want to head our separate ways home, (plus in the mornings no one's home) so I brought him to my place to chill (in any way it's definitely more comfortable than nua-ing in the car -.-")

So we were lazing, and then I decided to check my mail. And he was just sitting beside me watching me do my stuff.

And I saw this email header:


At that moment, apart from a sudden grip at my chest, my head was suddenly spinning. I was scared, and confused, and dying with curiosity. I gathered myself properly, and opened the email.

He's married? He's FUCKING married? So the ring meant something. It was his wedding band for fuck's sake! What's going on? If he was really married how come he had so much time to spend with me? And we had been talking on the phone till late almost EVERY night. If he has a wife doesn't the wife stay with him? Unless she is an airline crew which meant she would be away for days at a time, especially if she's with an international airline. THEN he would have plenty of time for me. Even so, we've been seeing each other daily.

I turned and looked him in the eye.

"Bb, what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on."

"Then who is she?"

"My ex-girlfriend."

Ah. This I've heard before. This SQ pilot who was cheating on the wife (and my gf) told my girlfriend that he had no girlfriend. And she was smart enough to ask "No girlfriend but got wife la." to which he admitted.

So, still trembling inside, I asked "Ex-girlfriend doesn't mean she's your current wife, right?"

"No." And he pulled me close. He was smiling. His face looks calm, but I could sense that he's tensing up behind the smile.

"BB, who is she, and why does she say she's your wife?"

"Anyone can say whatever they want to say. This is someone who doesn't want to let me go...Nothing's going on.."

Ah....a psychotic girlfriend who could not accept the fact that her relationship's over~~~

Really?

Suddenly I didn't know who to believe. This guy who, apart from spending a lot of time with me and being really sweet and all, has never told me anything about his background, family, life, history, or this girl who suddenly showed up in my gmail inbox who actually seemed nice is probably shaking as she typed the email to me, fearing for the worst.

I started crying. I couldn't help it. After a bad break up last year, yes, I had my fair share of admirers and went on dates, but in the end I had spent almost every night for almost a whole year crying to sleep cos I couldn't let go. Then after finally deciding to let go, I had met Joel, and fallen in love with him, and started to feel like I can be happy again, it turns out that everything might just become bubbles which would soon burst?

He closed in on me, and hugged me tight. "My life is in a mess now, but please don't worry, okay? Everything will be settled by next week, I promise. Don't worry about anything. Leave all the worrying for me to do, okay BB?"

"Don't reply her. Don't do anything. Leave everything to me."

I could no longer speak. A million things were running in my mind. I was scared, skeptical, confused, and worst of all I was lost. I didn't know what to do then. I didn't know how to reply her. I didn't know if I should reply her. How did she get my email? She read my smses to him? How? He's been meeting her too so she has access to his phone? Skype - she has his password so she could hack in? Or she just lives with him so she can just open it up on his computer and see? They must have been really close for her to know his password. Who was she, really? Was she the one I saw in the picture I found of him online then with a girl taken in 2007? Or was she just a psychotic ex-girlfriend? I've been receiving unkind, rude tags on my tagboard saying I was "cheap" and that "I love riding bikes and stealing other people's husbands and karma will fall on me." Were they her friends? And if so, if she was really married, how many people have she talked to about this? It concerned my reputation as well. I could not afford to be in a relationship like this which would kill me in the entertainment industry. After all that I have given up to be back to the entertainment circle, it was just not worth it. I don't want to be The Other Woman, a term I hate so much myself.

Was he really married? Did I really get myself involved with a married man? But he was so young! He had only just turned 25 a few months back! If he was married how come no one at the driving centre told me about it? They knew we went out more than once. Some of them even saw us together outside the driving centre once! No one knew he was married? How could no one know? Unless he didn't really love his girlfriend and got ROM-ed just to make her happy because he was just a drifter in the relationship (someone who just drifts along), and he has never told anyone about her existence. I wanted to run to the Registry of Marriages to find out the truth for myself. At the same time, I wanted to just listen to him and let him take care of everything and not get involved in this potentially huge mess.

I went out with him the next few days with a cautious mind and a reserved heart. Yes, we were still happy, and he made me laugh, a lot. But that matter was there. It was nagging and gnawing annoyingly at me.  I still loved him, but repeated rude tags on my blog served as a troubling reminder, and that prevented me from further giving my all then.

I am a woman too, and I have had experience in being desperate in keeping my ex-boyfriend. I know how crazy a woman can get when she has loved too deep and given too much, only to be told the relationship's not working out. Truth it, it really wasn't working out, but I was too desperate to be rational about things then. I only wanted to keep my man, and trust me, I have been foolish before. (Try kneeling down and begging him not to go. Yes, I was THAT stupid)

I wasn't comfortable with leaving that email not replied. Sometimes, all we need is an answer, so we're not left hanging. Women make great scriptwrights - you leave her hanging, you can come up with 20 different twists and possible storylines. I had to go and meet him after his work, but I had a few hours, so I decided to do it - reply her.

Of course, the above emails were just excerpts and not the full email. (I've no idea how to print screen with the whole mail cos my blog settings are too narrow to fit the whole thing.)

I tried, as best as I could, to fathom a proper email to her. To be as objective as possible.
After replying her, I decided to open up the Registry of Marriages website. I found the page where you can check the marital status of a person. It would take a few weeks (or a few days, I couldn't remember), and you need to pay $30. WTH. KNN want to check this kind of things government also want us to pay. PUI!

If not for that, I would've just gone ahead with it. I was still lost. I still didn't know if he was really married. I didn't know if he was married have they "broken up"? Have they separated? Are they divorced already? I didn't know shit. And I couldn't take it any longer.

I went to Facebook to check out her account. To see if I can find pictures.

It was a painful process. Looking through all their sweet last-time pictures. At the zoo/birdpark, at home doing face masks together on the bed... They've shared a long time together...6 years is a long time, especially for a 21-year-old...Some pictures were even uploaded on 19Dec'09. I didn't know if they were taken close to that date, but seeing those pictures already made my heart clench and shrivel up. Had Joel really been lying to me? Or was he 敷衍-ing her in the last stages of their relationship?　

And then I found it.

The album. The R.O.M album. Dated October 2009. They have only been recently married. Or registered, and pronounced man and wife, in the eyes of the law...

I couldn't move. I didn't know whether what I felt was hurt, anger, or whether I was pissed off. I thought it was painful. I might have imagined it, but I felt my heart fibrillating. I sensed tears, or rather, that ball of air and liquid coming out but got stuck in your chest. I felt my mind going blank. And then I broke down and cried...

Happy 10th Birthday PS2!

While Google celebrated the birthday of a certain Italian priest,a birthday of another kind took place in the homes of gamers everywhere.On the 4th of March 2000,Sony brought to the world a behemoth of gaming,the Playstation 2.Even today,developers are still making games for the PS2,with the long-awaited Sakura War's:So Long My Love Collector's Edition arriving later this year.The game is available on the other next gen consoles,but only the PS2 receives a collector's edition.

Since its release,it has proved to be undoubtedly the best console of all time,bringing to us a number of unforgettable games.It launched with Gran Turismo 3 and Final Fantasy 10 for god's sakes!Definitely a better choice than its decendant's launch titles which include one the worst reviewed games ever,Lair.Game stores still stock the console and sales did nothing but increase.

Eventhough the PS2 has been around for such a long time,I only got it in 2004,four whole years after its release.I still remembered the day clearly,even listing down the games I chose as part of the package the store sells the console with.One Piece,Smackdown Here Comes The Pain,Midnight Club 2,Crash Bandicoot Racing and some obscure US footie game.Looking back,I should have done more research.At least instinct brought me the most fun wrestling game I've ever played.

Over the course of the years since I became an owner of a PS2,I've played a great deal of games.To rephrase a quote from Charles Dickens,"there were the best of times,there were the worst of times".

Here,I bring you my five personal favourites,in no particular order.I did not choose them in terms of gameplay,graphics or story.I chose them based on their replayability,that one thing that makes me hit 'new game' straight after finishing them.Read it and weep.With nostalgia.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

San Andreas has jetpacks.San Andreas has territory wars.San Andreas gives you the ability to swim.San Andreas has 'Hot Coffee'.

Vice City has you cruising Miami Beach during a sunset on a PCJ600 with Billie Jean on the radio.Vice City is the only game where I spent a chunk of my time just exploring the map,ignoring the main and side missions.Vice City is the only game where I left it on and did something else,just to listen to the in game radio.

And that is why Vice City triumphs over San Andreas.

Shadow of the Colossus

Team Ico are the masters of atmosphere,and common sense.There are no generic minions to mow down just because they block your way to the boss.There are no locals to interact with while villains are slaughtering their village.There is no item shop that charges exceedingly high prices even when you are the only one who can save the world.

But there is a damsel in distress,and you must kill a number of colossi(the plural of colossus.Colossuses just sounds weird) to wake her up.You don't know why but you must do it for the woman you love.The rest of the engaging story I leave to your playing it.

Like I said earlier,there is no one else but you and your horse and the colossi.You must traverse over plains,mountains and rivers to find each one of them and do battle with.There is no life bar,just weak points scattered about their bodies.How you kill them is entirely up to your imagination.And they are a spectacle to behold.The first time they hover over your puny self,you'd just stare at them with your mouth agape.It almost feels sad to kill them.But there is that matter with the damsel.

Final Fantasy 12

A confession:I love this game.I love the battle system,the world and I especially love the hunt quests.I swear there is no more interesting side mission in the world of video games than the hunt quests of FF12.I literally pour hours into this feature of the game,and even grinded just so I can last longer when battling the next hunt.

The storyline is meh.The cast of characters have annoying accents.But oh fuck do I love me some hunt collecting.

What is this Monster Rancher that you speak of?

WWE Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain

I stopped watching after I realised that Rey Mysterio will never win the World Heavyweight title.But I did not stop playing the games.Here Comes The Pain is the best of the bunch,allowing plenty of freedom and faux exploration during the career mode.Players are able to visit 5 or 6 places in the game and interact with other wrestlers,either becoming allies or plain pissing them off.You can barge into the general manager's office and demand title fights.You can interrupt matches with just a press of the L3 button.

I watched wrestling again when Rey Mysterio pinned Randy Orton to become World Heavyweight Champion in 2006.He lost it a month later.I stopped caring after that.

Bully

If you have been reading my Top 5 posts,you'd have known this game will appear here.I'll just summarise the entire game in one decription:it's GTA set in a school.Nuff said.

These are games that you must give a try.There is life in the old PS2 yet,and it deserves more respect than being relegated to the closet while you buy a PS3.Sing it a birthday song.

So,what are your favourite PS2 games?

Updates

Part 5 was supposed to come out, but I'm in the midst of consolidating my smses and making sure I get the dates right? (And apparently I have some dates missing so I need some time digging out sources). So PLEASE be patient while I do so okay? I assure you I have written 70% of it already, and it's sitting solemnly in my drafts list.

Alright, now for some life updates.

I passed my Class 2B final stage 8.01!!!!! After 3 tries man. Kept doing stupid things like forgetting to off signal and stuff. Dumb right? But at last I passed. My TP is SOON. Pray for me yeah?

I brought my laptop and portable hard disk to SONY today. And they told me fixing the laptop flap/screen will cost me about $500ish cos they need to replace the whole flap. And that my portable hard disk can't be fixed cos apparently they don't carry this product in Singapore (they asked me if I got it from HK, but it was a gift so I wouldn't know), and they asked me to bring it to Samsung (cos when I opened the portable hard disk case, what it houses was not a SONY hard disk, but a Samsung one). Grrrr....I hate wasted trips. Wouldn't complain so much if town was 10 minutes away, and doesn't involve ERP and heavy traffic (I rented my friend's car for 2 weeks).

I watched a video clip by Ris Low which left me stunned and speechless.


Safe Sex With Ris Low from clicknetwork on Vimeo.

Right...okay...I shall NOT comment about the condom that flew away, and her technique of removing condoms which will SURELY make you kena some sperm...or her throwing the condom away "somewhere"...

Give me a moment to recompose myself after watching the clip..


Okay...


Almost...



I signed up at Jitterbugs~!!!! Was contemplating between them and Studio Wu, but Studio Wu is at SMU (far and the classes are probably congested with students, and I don't like big classes) and Eastpoint (bloody far, and I was with them once, student-packed). Jitterbugs is at Cathay, and I quite like the crowd there, so yup, I should be happily tip-tapping away again after sooooooooooooooo many years!!!! I started dancing when I was 9, all the way till I was 20. Then PSS came and SQ came and my schedule's haywire and I couldn't go anymore so I stopped. It's like you're reunited with your first love, which you got separated from, but still feel so passionately about. I'm nuts over dance flicks like "Honey" (FYI, I fell in love with Jessica Alba because she can dance~), "Dirty Dancing", "Step Up" (*scream!!!!*), "Shall We Dance?"....you get the picture...

I just realized I've booked a Circuit Revision for 8am later (why the hell did I do that for???) and am having trouble selling it off. So I'm gonna sleep now. Sorry I've no nice pictures to show you guys cos I lent my camera to my uncle for his Korea trip for CNY, and god knows why I didn't remember to take pictures with my very good camera-phone.

Next time~ Nite peeps~
Silver~

Updates

Part 5 was supposed to come out, but I'm in the midst of consolidating my smses and making sure I get the dates right? (And apparently I have some dates missing so I need some time digging out sources). So PLEASE be patient while I do so okay? I assure you I have written 70% of it already, and it's sitting solemnly in my drafts list.

Alright, now for some life updates.

I passed my Class 2B final stage 8.01!!!!! After 3 tries man. Kept doing stupid things like forgetting to off signal and stuff. Dumb right? But at last I passed. My TP is SOON. Pray for me yeah?

I brought my laptop and portable hard disk to SONY today. And they told me fixing the laptop flap/screen will cost me about $500ish cos they need to replace the whole flap. And that my portable hard disk can't be fixed cos apparently they don't carry this product in Singapore (they asked me if I got it from HK, but it was a gift so I wouldn't know), and they asked me to bring it to Samsung (cos when I opened the portable hard disk case, what it houses was not a SONY hard disk, but a Samsung one). Grrrr....I hate wasted trips. Wouldn't complain so much if town was 10 minutes away, and doesn't involve ERP and heavy traffic (I rented my friend's car for 2 weeks).

I watched a video clip by Ris Low which left me stunned and speechless.


Safe Sex With Ris Low from clicknetwork on Vimeo.

Right...okay...I shall NOT comment about the condom that flew away, and her technique of removing condoms which will SURELY make you kena some sperm...or her throwing the condom away "somewhere"...

Give me a moment to recompose myself after watching the clip..


Okay...


Almost...



I signed up at Jitterbugs~!!!! Was contemplating between them and Studio Wu, but Studio Wu is at SMU (far and the classes are probably congested with students, and I don't like big classes) and Eastpoint (bloody far, and I was with them once, student-packed). Jitterbugs is at Cathay, and I quite like the crowd there, so yup, I should be happily tip-tapping away again after sooooooooooooooo many years!!!! I started dancing when I was 9, all the way till I was 20. Then PSS came and SQ came and my schedule's haywire and I couldn't go anymore so I stopped. It's like you're reunited with your first love, which you got separated from, but still feel so passionately about. I'm nuts over dance flicks like "Honey" (FYI, I fell in love with Jessica Alba because she can dance~), "Dirty Dancing", "Step Up" (*scream!!!!*), "Shall We Dance?"....you get the picture...

I just realized I've booked a Circuit Revision for 8am later (why the hell did I do that for???) and am having trouble selling it off. So I'm gonna sleep now. Sorry I've no nice pictures to show you guys cos I lent my camera to my uncle for his Korea trip for CNY, and god knows why I didn't remember to take pictures with my very good camera-phone.

Next time~ Nite peeps~
Silver~

Things I Own are Coming Apart

And that includes my laptop, my portable external hard disk, my camera, and my shoes.

I own a lightweight 2.5 years old Sony Vaio TZ26. You know, the super thin one? And it's a pretty white colour. I think it's too flat, cos Alton has apparently been walking OVER it a lot. Now the LCD screen is coming apart from its backing. That is, the flap which has the VAIO logo when you close the lappie? Now it's coming apart from the LCD screen itself! WTH~ Can this be repaired? Cos I can't afford a new lappie now leh~ Because if I want to get one I'm gonna get an Alienware M11x or M15x!!! I play games and it's a gamer laptop~ (with customizable keyboard lighting!!!!!!!!!) UNLESS Dell thinks I can promote their laptop well and sponsor me one, or someone is kind and rich enough to buy me one... =D

Now on to my Sony portable hard disk. IRRITATING~! And okay, I was damn stupid enough to leave the USB cable on it wherever I bring the hard disk along. Now the USB port has been dislodged from the hard disk itself, meaning I can't access my pictures for blogging, which explains why the past few entries has soooo MANY pictures. =( This one can repair not?

Need to bring this and the lappie to Sony tomorrow...chances are I need to fork out money for repair....*cries*

My camera is peeling. My Sony T5. From ancient digital ages ago. The silver coating is peeling off, and it cuts into my ring finger and makes me bleed every now and then when I take pictures cos I rest the ring finger underneath the cam when I take pics. And the screen is getting blurry. Like those water stains? Think I got those when I brought the camera to Taiwan. This place where there are big waves and many yellow rocks. And it was raining then. So maybe the rain and the droplets from the waves kena the screen. Anyways, I've been living with those stains for more than 2 years now...

I really need a new camera. *hint*

Somehow, I own so many Sony products. Don't get me wrong okay? If you're the Dell or Philips boss or something. My lappie was bought because it was the one of thinnest and lightest laptop from 2008, and it looked really pretty. My hard disk was a birthday gift from my lovely fans for my 21st birthday, and the camera belonged to my Mummy. I took it and kept it as my own. =P So there~ I am NOT just pro-Sony okay? I've been using a Samsung mobile phone for the past 5 years. And I am open to any good brand, ESPECIALLY if the product looks damn sleek or chio.

My heels. The small thing at the end of the heel which always gets stuck in between drain covers and soil? Most of them have come off and if I wear those shoes, the 'kak kak kak' sound is damn irritating. Heels are supposed to go 'kok kok kok' and not 'kak kak kak'. Hai~ 你们懂我在说什么吗？
If the heels are not faulty, the shoes are broken. Either the skin, or the colour is dirty cos I somehow couldn't walk properly and kicked my right shoe with the left shoe and left a black scrape mark, or I kena stepped on by someone.

Doesn't help that I haven't been buying heels. Less than 5 pairs in the past 2 years? That's tragic for a girl okay? Especially when I have so many events to attend which requires me to wear heels. (Cos I'm not tall -duh-!!!)

And I'm not going into details about my 10-year-warrantied IKEA PAX door which has the rubber tubing fallen off, or the 10-year-warrantied IKEA chest of drawers which has the top drawer door curved outwards so it doesn't close properly on one side anymore. (God knows how come it can curve outwards). Yes, it has warranty. But HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO BRING THE FULL-LENGTH-ALMOST-CEILING-HEIGHT DOOR TO CHANGE FOR NEW ONE? PLUS THE BLOODY DRAWER DOOR!!!!!

Pek chek.

Can someone offer me a part-time job? Like property trading or equity trading or something. I don't know. What are the part-time jobs out there? (I am not talking about banquetting or waitressing) Just don't ask me to sell insurance okay?